'I'll Be Home for Christmas' and similar ballads share a common origin that explains why they're so good at helping us exorcise personal and cultural grief at the holidays
This is beautiful and heartbreaking all at once, Cole. I am better for having read it and thank you for writing such a personal, though universal, piece. May it find its way to all who need to hear it, feel it, or remember; how important it is to never forget our generational memories, histories, and how our families found their way through some of the hardest, most heart-heavy times of their lives. That the music of the time was salve for the soul during such upheaval and loss, as much as it was a way to document how the hearts of humanity felt such longing and sorrow, yet hope, during these traumatic times. May we, in our country's current state , live and survive in such a way that future generations will look back on the lives we've led and see that the same love and resolve came from us to survive and get through our traumas. Let's hope the music created today can and will reflect how we made it through. Though, I haven't heard any with the same significance as those past classics you've highlighted — yet. With hope, as these next few years progress, I pray there are musicians who will give it all word and song; to create ballads that not only reflect the turmoil and brokenness, but give voice to how we got through it.
Had not intended to say so much, but your piece really moved me. I suspect I will be swirling your words around for a while. Much appreciation for your contemplation and thoughtfulness to the subject. A Happy Holidays hoped for you, and us all.
I loved reading all of your prayer, Wendy, thank you. As a writer, I can only hope things I put out in the world inspire people enough to say so much. I share all of your feelings right now. Happy holidays to you and yours, my friend.
Thanks for sharing this and the analysis of how music connects us together. I also lost both of my parents in the past 3 years and Christmas just isn't the same anymore.
I'm sorry again to hear about your parents. We're told this is just life, it happens to all of us, but I've come to believe we harm ourselves by pretending that losing our parents isn't a life-changing trauma. Trauma never goes away. You just learn to live with it. And that means everything that once was brighter is diminished in some way, whether we like it or not. Kids changed it some for me, but it's different. What was is gone and what is...as you say...just isn't the same anymore.
This was a beautiful, perfect balm in the midst of another of my own life transitions. And having experienced so much leaving and grief, I now more fully understand why I love all the sad “Christmas” songs 🥲 thank you, thank you.
A very thoughtful and moving essay. Having parents who went thru all these separations and losses it was a view back into days before I was born. I loved your sweet photos and clips. Thank you and be happy if you can and safe. So many have nothing.
Perfect essay. Thank you for the song histories and sharing your memories with us. I might’ve shed a tear or two. With my aunt’s death at the age of almost 95 this year, everyone from that generation is gone. For whatever reason, this season has been more emotional for me than others. Home was, and always will be, the place I grew up in Pennsylvania, and I long to be there at Christmas. As an aside, maybe my father came across your grandfather somewhere in the South Pacific. My dad (1918-2002 (I’m an oops baby)) was a navigator on a B-24 with the 90th Bombardment group (Jolly Rogers) stationed in the South Pacific!
Thanks, Sally! I'm getting help collecting my father's and grandfather's service records in 2025, so I'm not sure where my grandfather was stationed. My father didn't have a great relationship with him, so these things weren't discussed. My father only started discussing where he was stationed in Vietnam in the last decade of his life. So, despite all the information I've collected on my family, there are also loud, glaring gaps that should've been filled long ago.
As for your aunt, I'm sorry to hear she's left us. It's a strange thing to realize the only connection you have left to the past is...you. That haunts me. Like you, I long to be home at Christmas, but it doesn't exist anymore except in my memory.
Beautiful, moving evocation, Cole. The bittersweet nature of these songs is so emblematic of a century+ during which families around the globe (not just on 'our side') have been separated, and irreperably damaged, by war. As I get older I realize how much hidden trauma formed the men of my parent's (WW2) generation in the US - and our culture's embrace of the notions that rigid, self-contained stoicism was the ideal male behavior. The Christmas ballads seem to be an acceptable vehicle for acknowledging the sadness of separation, but still in an optimistic tone that only skirts the deep hurt and solitude of those whose easy belief in the natural order of things was irretrievably broken by their experiences...
Hi Sarah, thank you for the lovely note. I'm so glad to hear this piece resonated with you at all. Yes, WWII damaged an entire generation. I think more than just the men who were stationed abroad, too. In my case, I'm the grandson of a WWII vet and the son of a Vietnam vet. I wish there was broader cultural discussion about how that intergenerational trauma has corrupted us in many ways. I know I could write about it, but I don't know if I could ever be competent enough. I'll probably have to tackle that from an emotional perspective rather than a sociological one. Now I'm just musing aloud. Anyway, happy holidays!
Thank you so much, Lou. I fear I published this one too close to Christmas and people have checked out of reading, but the beauty of Substack and what I do is that most everything is evergreen. But it was one of those pieces I felt compelled to write. I only knew half the music history discussed here, then I went down the rabbit hole...
It was a lot of new information for me too. It’s inspired me to give White Christmas another watch as well so thanks for that. Do let me know what you make of Nativity if you get around to watching. It’s very British.
When you watch WHITE CHRISTMAS, try to look at it not as a fun musical, but a story about PTSD and reacclimating to life post-war. There's literally a song about how everything was better in the army/during the war. I only mention this because today we see Technicolor fluff, but the depth of trauma on screen -- that the primary audience would've been directly part of -- is there if you try to mentally time travel a little.
Hoping to get to NATIVITY on Boxing Day. Been a bit of a shitshow here in the lead up to the big day.
This was a wonderful article, Cole. The Christmas ballots that were written around this time are some of my favorites, and I don’t like very many Christmas songs.
Thank you for your thoughtful and well written post. Wishing you and all of your loved ones a very happy Christmas. 💕🎄
This is beautiful and heartbreaking all at once, Cole. I am better for having read it and thank you for writing such a personal, though universal, piece. May it find its way to all who need to hear it, feel it, or remember; how important it is to never forget our generational memories, histories, and how our families found their way through some of the hardest, most heart-heavy times of their lives. That the music of the time was salve for the soul during such upheaval and loss, as much as it was a way to document how the hearts of humanity felt such longing and sorrow, yet hope, during these traumatic times. May we, in our country's current state , live and survive in such a way that future generations will look back on the lives we've led and see that the same love and resolve came from us to survive and get through our traumas. Let's hope the music created today can and will reflect how we made it through. Though, I haven't heard any with the same significance as those past classics you've highlighted — yet. With hope, as these next few years progress, I pray there are musicians who will give it all word and song; to create ballads that not only reflect the turmoil and brokenness, but give voice to how we got through it.
Had not intended to say so much, but your piece really moved me. I suspect I will be swirling your words around for a while. Much appreciation for your contemplation and thoughtfulness to the subject. A Happy Holidays hoped for you, and us all.
Many blessings,
~Wendy 💜
I loved reading all of your prayer, Wendy, thank you. As a writer, I can only hope things I put out in the world inspire people enough to say so much. I share all of your feelings right now. Happy holidays to you and yours, my friend.
Thanks for sharing this and the analysis of how music connects us together. I also lost both of my parents in the past 3 years and Christmas just isn't the same anymore.
I'm sorry again to hear about your parents. We're told this is just life, it happens to all of us, but I've come to believe we harm ourselves by pretending that losing our parents isn't a life-changing trauma. Trauma never goes away. You just learn to live with it. And that means everything that once was brighter is diminished in some way, whether we like it or not. Kids changed it some for me, but it's different. What was is gone and what is...as you say...just isn't the same anymore.
This was a beautiful, perfect balm in the midst of another of my own life transitions. And having experienced so much leaving and grief, I now more fully understand why I love all the sad “Christmas” songs 🥲 thank you, thank you.
I'm so glad to hear it. I had hoped it might speak to people during the holidays, which I know are hard enough for me.
A very thoughtful and moving essay. Having parents who went thru all these separations and losses it was a view back into days before I was born. I loved your sweet photos and clips. Thank you and be happy if you can and safe. So many have nothing.
I'm glad to hear it spoke to you in any way, Celinda. I hope your own holiday season has been safe and, perhaps, even a little merry, too.
Perfect essay. Thank you for the song histories and sharing your memories with us. I might’ve shed a tear or two. With my aunt’s death at the age of almost 95 this year, everyone from that generation is gone. For whatever reason, this season has been more emotional for me than others. Home was, and always will be, the place I grew up in Pennsylvania, and I long to be there at Christmas. As an aside, maybe my father came across your grandfather somewhere in the South Pacific. My dad (1918-2002 (I’m an oops baby)) was a navigator on a B-24 with the 90th Bombardment group (Jolly Rogers) stationed in the South Pacific!
Thanks, Sally! I'm getting help collecting my father's and grandfather's service records in 2025, so I'm not sure where my grandfather was stationed. My father didn't have a great relationship with him, so these things weren't discussed. My father only started discussing where he was stationed in Vietnam in the last decade of his life. So, despite all the information I've collected on my family, there are also loud, glaring gaps that should've been filled long ago.
As for your aunt, I'm sorry to hear she's left us. It's a strange thing to realize the only connection you have left to the past is...you. That haunts me. Like you, I long to be home at Christmas, but it doesn't exist anymore except in my memory.
Beautiful, moving evocation, Cole. The bittersweet nature of these songs is so emblematic of a century+ during which families around the globe (not just on 'our side') have been separated, and irreperably damaged, by war. As I get older I realize how much hidden trauma formed the men of my parent's (WW2) generation in the US - and our culture's embrace of the notions that rigid, self-contained stoicism was the ideal male behavior. The Christmas ballads seem to be an acceptable vehicle for acknowledging the sadness of separation, but still in an optimistic tone that only skirts the deep hurt and solitude of those whose easy belief in the natural order of things was irretrievably broken by their experiences...
Hi Sarah, thank you for the lovely note. I'm so glad to hear this piece resonated with you at all. Yes, WWII damaged an entire generation. I think more than just the men who were stationed abroad, too. In my case, I'm the grandson of a WWII vet and the son of a Vietnam vet. I wish there was broader cultural discussion about how that intergenerational trauma has corrupted us in many ways. I know I could write about it, but I don't know if I could ever be competent enough. I'll probably have to tackle that from an emotional perspective rather than a sociological one. Now I'm just musing aloud. Anyway, happy holidays!
Another beautiful piece, Cole. And you are correct, adding the soundtrack to that piece of video really does make a difference.
Sending you all my best wishes this Christmas.
Thank you so much, Lou. I fear I published this one too close to Christmas and people have checked out of reading, but the beauty of Substack and what I do is that most everything is evergreen. But it was one of those pieces I felt compelled to write. I only knew half the music history discussed here, then I went down the rabbit hole...
Happy Christmas to you and yours!
It was a lot of new information for me too. It’s inspired me to give White Christmas another watch as well so thanks for that. Do let me know what you make of Nativity if you get around to watching. It’s very British.
When you watch WHITE CHRISTMAS, try to look at it not as a fun musical, but a story about PTSD and reacclimating to life post-war. There's literally a song about how everything was better in the army/during the war. I only mention this because today we see Technicolor fluff, but the depth of trauma on screen -- that the primary audience would've been directly part of -- is there if you try to mentally time travel a little.
Hoping to get to NATIVITY on Boxing Day. Been a bit of a shitshow here in the lead up to the big day.
Yes, I’ve seen it before and I actually think that aspect comes through quite strongly but I will definitely keep it in mind.
Oh, well then you get it! I've discussed the film so much with people, and it's always "just entertainment" in their minds.
This was a wonderful article, Cole. The Christmas ballots that were written around this time are some of my favorites, and I don’t like very many Christmas songs.
Thank you for your thoughtful and well written post. Wishing you and all of your loved ones a very happy Christmas. 💕🎄
Thank you, Sheila. I appreciate the lovely note. Happy Christmas to you and yours. Stay safe -- and try to find some merry -- this holiday season!
Ballads, arg.
Very nice piece. Merry Christmas to ye and yine. 🎅
The same to you, Dan!