From Freddie Mercury to 'M*A*S*H', to Irving Berlin and my own grandfather - a partial, fragmented, and often contradictory history of America's complicated relationship with drag
This is such a beautifully written and thought-provoking piece. Your comparison of the Queen video with the conflicting appearance and accepted misogyny of hair metal bands certainly speaks of the times but I agree that the current reactionary movement really is frightening. In my children I see a generation so much more tolerant and accepting of difference and I find it frustrating that such a level of resistance in other quarters still exists to just allowing people to be who they want to be.
Thanks, Lou. I really enjoying writing these personal essays, and I'm glad to hear when they resonate at all, as you know. I'm hoping our children continue this evolution away from such hateful small-mindedness, too. They seem much wiser than we were for the most part, but I'm reminded of how hippies found the Dollar God and forgot all their youthful anti-establishment attitudes. Only time will tell, but again, I'm hopeful - unlike hippies, these kids are demonstrating this open-mindedness, this anti-hate attitude at much, much younger ages!
Cole, I want to apologise. Recently you posted a thoughtful note about Klinger which (I now realise) was based on research you did for this piece. And I thoughtlessly replied in “Well, actually” mode. I was wrong!
I also want to thank you, because it sparked a thoroughly enjoyable M*A*S*H rewatch.
No, don't apologize. I think any respectful discourse is valuable discourse. I partly posted that because I was still testing some of my own ideas. These things don't just appear fully formed. You need to challenge yourself before you get to your own conclusions!
I tried watching Friends again and couldn’t stop cringing at all of the homophobia. I can’t believe I just took it for granted when it aired the first time around. I loved learning about the queer character on M*A*S*H, though. (I had an irrational hatred of the show when I was a kid because it was the first show that aired after a blissful streak of Saturday morning cartoons! It was my cue to turn off the TV).
I'm rewatching "FRIENDS" right now, and it's a strange experience. Every episode, there is a gay joke. Some are innocent, some are trying to help the conversation, some are malicious. In every case, I think it helped normalized the presence of homosexuality as a subject in homes across America and many places around the globe. We can't discount the fact that a loving same-sex marriage on the series, two people actually parenting a healthy child, was a positive force. In short: god, it's complicated and messy as pretty much everything that's related to social change is.
It's funny the things you remember, and how often the ones that involve shame, usually wrongly felt or imposed, stick with you more than so many beautiful ones you wish you could still casually access in your memory banks.
I think being misunderstood is among the most painful and isolating experiences one can have. To be misunderstood is to be unknown; to be unknown is perhaps to be unknowable, and so it follows unlovable. That's why it imprints so deeply, it threatens our very survival.
You’ve made a point about the big hair-metal 80s that I didn’t pick up on then. The bands were so overtly misogynistic that their ‘feminine’ appearance was overlooked, if not accepted. They were really ghoulish cartoonish looking versions of femininity weren’t they?
Yes, I think it's the mirror opposite of the David Bowie effect of the 70s, when men dressing up in women's clothes was viewed as empowering by the artists. Bowie never denigrated women as part of his "performance". He embraced as much femininity as he could and even bragged about his bisexuality (though, some argue that certainly drew attention to him and may have been calculated in how he placed it in the press). By the 80s, such "femininity" had to be balanced by misogyny, it seems -- well, except Prince. Prince is just Prince and exists in his own sphere.
This resonates powerfully and has to be said. It is true.
At a party in the early 80’s after discussions with friends about how liberal we all were regarding homosexuality, my good friend Rab and I decided to slow dance together and snog on the dance floor….
When the music stopped it seemed we had cause a terrible outrage and were directed to the door. We laughed as we walked away. We felt like outsiders we were outsiders….. and this was just another reinforcing experience of that feeling. Thank you for writing that, it has resulted in an insight about what the revealed hides
When I first saw this video my mind exploded in amazed joy. Being raised in conservative central I had not experienced men in drag as a child and knew nothing of ‘the gays’ as they were later referred to by many. Freedom of expression is something I fought for hard as expectations to be a certain way were high. Freddie helped me with this and I love him for that. This writing has rekindled that memory and all the emotions that went with it. Thankyou.
What a lovely note, Elly. Freddie helped many of us. If I reminded you of anything to do with your experience of him, then that's enough for me. Thanks for reading!
What a powerful piece Cole. This was a really interesting read. I wasn't aware of the history of drag in the armed services. It is sobering to think hoe we have regressed in many ways over the last few years. Well researched, thoughtful and balanced.
Wow! Thanks for sharing something so personal with us. ❤️
I've always been attracted to those who are really in tune with their feminine and male sides, and when I learned what pansexuality was, I thought...hey, that's me! Probably also why others have complimented me on written dialogues in my stories. I can easily hop in from one pov to another.
Androgyny is a beautiful thing. Probably explains why I'm so drawn to the Victorian Era where people could be humans, and it wasn't scandalous to see women walk arm in arm or men expressing their flamboyant personalities.
I've seen Queen in concert 3 times, since they've teamed up with one of my favorite singers, Adam Lambert. I was introduced to the band back in 1992 through Wayne's World, and liked a lot of their songs. But I never dreamed of seeing them in concert, until they invited Adam to sing with them!
Adam has seen and gone through it all, as a gay man in the music industry. He's definitely inspired me to live my truth, no matter how confusing it might be to some.
Adam is a fantastic performer from everything I've seen, including his earliest tour fronting Queen. I saw them at the Hollywood Bowl, which was all kinds of amazing. Keep living your truth, Alexis!
This is such a beautifully written and thought-provoking piece. Your comparison of the Queen video with the conflicting appearance and accepted misogyny of hair metal bands certainly speaks of the times but I agree that the current reactionary movement really is frightening. In my children I see a generation so much more tolerant and accepting of difference and I find it frustrating that such a level of resistance in other quarters still exists to just allowing people to be who they want to be.
Thanks, Lou. I really enjoying writing these personal essays, and I'm glad to hear when they resonate at all, as you know. I'm hoping our children continue this evolution away from such hateful small-mindedness, too. They seem much wiser than we were for the most part, but I'm reminded of how hippies found the Dollar God and forgot all their youthful anti-establishment attitudes. Only time will tell, but again, I'm hopeful - unlike hippies, these kids are demonstrating this open-mindedness, this anti-hate attitude at much, much younger ages!
Cole, I want to apologise. Recently you posted a thoughtful note about Klinger which (I now realise) was based on research you did for this piece. And I thoughtlessly replied in “Well, actually” mode. I was wrong!
I also want to thank you, because it sparked a thoroughly enjoyable M*A*S*H rewatch.
No, don't apologize. I think any respectful discourse is valuable discourse. I partly posted that because I was still testing some of my own ideas. These things don't just appear fully formed. You need to challenge yourself before you get to your own conclusions!
I tried watching Friends again and couldn’t stop cringing at all of the homophobia. I can’t believe I just took it for granted when it aired the first time around. I loved learning about the queer character on M*A*S*H, though. (I had an irrational hatred of the show when I was a kid because it was the first show that aired after a blissful streak of Saturday morning cartoons! It was my cue to turn off the TV).
I'm rewatching "FRIENDS" right now, and it's a strange experience. Every episode, there is a gay joke. Some are innocent, some are trying to help the conversation, some are malicious. In every case, I think it helped normalized the presence of homosexuality as a subject in homes across America and many places around the globe. We can't discount the fact that a loving same-sex marriage on the series, two people actually parenting a healthy child, was a positive force. In short: god, it's complicated and messy as pretty much everything that's related to social change is.
Wow - so true!
"I needed more girls on display, he gently advised me."
how that broke my heart to read that
It's funny the things you remember, and how often the ones that involve shame, usually wrongly felt or imposed, stick with you more than so many beautiful ones you wish you could still casually access in your memory banks.
I think being misunderstood is among the most painful and isolating experiences one can have. To be misunderstood is to be unknown; to be unknown is perhaps to be unknowable, and so it follows unlovable. That's why it imprints so deeply, it threatens our very survival.
You’ve made a point about the big hair-metal 80s that I didn’t pick up on then. The bands were so overtly misogynistic that their ‘feminine’ appearance was overlooked, if not accepted. They were really ghoulish cartoonish looking versions of femininity weren’t they?
Yes, I think it's the mirror opposite of the David Bowie effect of the 70s, when men dressing up in women's clothes was viewed as empowering by the artists. Bowie never denigrated women as part of his "performance". He embraced as much femininity as he could and even bragged about his bisexuality (though, some argue that certainly drew attention to him and may have been calculated in how he placed it in the press). By the 80s, such "femininity" had to be balanced by misogyny, it seems -- well, except Prince. Prince is just Prince and exists in his own sphere.
Yes, I think you’re spot on. I’m a HUGE fan of both Bowie and Prince.
This resonates powerfully and has to be said. It is true.
At a party in the early 80’s after discussions with friends about how liberal we all were regarding homosexuality, my good friend Rab and I decided to slow dance together and snog on the dance floor….
When the music stopped it seemed we had cause a terrible outrage and were directed to the door. We laughed as we walked away. We felt like outsiders we were outsiders….. and this was just another reinforcing experience of that feeling. Thank you for writing that, it has resulted in an insight about what the revealed hides
I'm sorry I was so slow to reply to this. It's a wonderful anecdote you sahred. Thank you for reading and sharing your own story.
When I first saw this video my mind exploded in amazed joy. Being raised in conservative central I had not experienced men in drag as a child and knew nothing of ‘the gays’ as they were later referred to by many. Freedom of expression is something I fought for hard as expectations to be a certain way were high. Freddie helped me with this and I love him for that. This writing has rekindled that memory and all the emotions that went with it. Thankyou.
What a lovely note, Elly. Freddie helped many of us. If I reminded you of anything to do with your experience of him, then that's enough for me. Thanks for reading!
What a powerful piece Cole. This was a really interesting read. I wasn't aware of the history of drag in the armed services. It is sobering to think hoe we have regressed in many ways over the last few years. Well researched, thoughtful and balanced.
I clearly missed your comment, Dee Dee. Thank you so much for reading!
Wow! Thanks for sharing something so personal with us. ❤️
I've always been attracted to those who are really in tune with their feminine and male sides, and when I learned what pansexuality was, I thought...hey, that's me! Probably also why others have complimented me on written dialogues in my stories. I can easily hop in from one pov to another.
Androgyny is a beautiful thing. Probably explains why I'm so drawn to the Victorian Era where people could be humans, and it wasn't scandalous to see women walk arm in arm or men expressing their flamboyant personalities.
I've seen Queen in concert 3 times, since they've teamed up with one of my favorite singers, Adam Lambert. I was introduced to the band back in 1992 through Wayne's World, and liked a lot of their songs. But I never dreamed of seeing them in concert, until they invited Adam to sing with them!
Adam has seen and gone through it all, as a gay man in the music industry. He's definitely inspired me to live my truth, no matter how confusing it might be to some.
Adam is a fantastic performer from everything I've seen, including his earliest tour fronting Queen. I saw them at the Hollywood Bowl, which was all kinds of amazing. Keep living your truth, Alexis!
This was a Brit sitcom about that practice. Super problematic on race and empire. And sex gender. But, a useful document. https://g.co/kgs/NhrxCVL